We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.

Proverbs is full of some very interesting and very true nuggets of wisdom. It's really wild to see how many of them play and are playing out in my own life. When I was younger, I had all sorts of plans for my life. And it seems that especially when you're young, people always seem to be asking the question: "Where do you see yourself in five years . . . in ten?" Yeah, I always had a answer for that. I had plans. I had goals and dreams. One of them was realized when I married my best friend. And another when I had my sweet baby boy. But a lot of those dreams I once had have gone by the wayside. Even dreams that the Lord originally led me to pursue. Why? They ended up not being His plans after all. It's like He changed directions for me in midstream and decided to steer me in a different way. Or maybe I'm just a total dufus and can't understand what God tells me.

That has been a difficult thing to swallow at times. I have often been sort of an over-achiever when it came to certain things, maybe even to a fault. I'm also a total planner and scheduler. I had dreams of a very successful career in helping people, and believed strongly that was what God wanted for me. I got my bachelor's degree in Family Psychology, and applied to grad school to pursue that dream of being a Marriage and Family Therapist. I was pumped. I was excited. I was ready to go. And then after a year and a half, God told me that's not where He wanted me. I was completely discouraged and felt like a failure. What about all that time and money I had poured into schooling? What about my dreams? What about my future? I had no idea what I was even going to do with my life.

And then God led me into the music field. Music had been my love for as long as I could remember, but I had chosen a different career path in college because I didn't want to perform or teach, and music doesn't lend itself to much else. But at that later point in my life, I was really excited about the possibility of teaching. I loved working with high school students, and had found that I had at least somewhat of a knack for teaching them. I had a new dream! I enrolled at the Seminary where I could get my master's in the same amount of time that it would take to get a bachelor's anywhere else. I did really well in the program and was excited about what was in store for me. Then one summer day, a year away from graduation, God simply said, "I don't want you to go back to school." It was out of the blue and totally unexpected. I didn't even know what to say. He used several people--close and trusted friends--to give me this message and confirm it. And then as if to put an exclamation point on it, He withdrew all the funds He had been supplying for me to pay for my education. I was once again without a clue as to what path my life would take at that point. My dreams had once again gone down the tubes.

I dedicated my time and energy to helping Rex with youth ministry. This was definitely what God had for me for a season. We made such a perfect team. We get along so well and work together like a horse and cart. I absolutely loved doing it. We were both very passionate about ministry and about teenagers and we saw God do some amazing things in our group. It was like I had a new dream--working with my husband was more than fulfilling enough for me; I didn't need my own career. And then one day all that came to a screeching halt. God made it clear that's not where He wanted either one of us anymore. Both of our dreams were shattered at that point.

So what to make of all that? Our plans? Out the window. Our dreams? Evidently not to be realized. This really has perplexed me a lot, but I keep coming back to several verses:

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." Proverbs 16:9
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" Jeremiah 29:11
"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" Isaiah 55:8-9
" . . . being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

I know that what the Lord has planned for me is infinitely better than anything I could dream up on my own. I also know that where I am now is a better place in many ways than where I would have been had I not listened to the Lord and gone my own way. I am so thankful to be a wife and mommy and fulfill God's will for me in those roles. Sometimes I still feel like a failure in my education and career paths, but God always reminds me that faithfulness to Him is never failure, no matter how the world might see it.

I don't ever answer those questions anymore about where I see myself in so many years. I only see myself being wherever God chooses to put me and doing whatever He tells me to do, and that is all up to Him and His timing. And after all these years, I am totally at peace with that.